[On Liverpool defender Stephane Henchoz trying to stop him] First I went left; he did too. Then I went right and he did too. Then I went left again and he went to buy a hot dog.
What [John] Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange.
[On Arsene Wenger telling him to try out for Arsenal as a teenager] Zlatan doesn’t do auditions.
Swedish style? No. Yugoslavian style? Of course not. It has to be Zlatan-style.
I can’t help but laugh at how perfect I am.
Both these defences have been working harder than a one-eyed cat, covering 3 mouse holes.
He’s a one-man battleship, [David] De Gea. Where’s his critics now?
On to this one quicker than a jackrabbit on a hot date. Look at this finish! That is beyond world class.
Oh my sweet lord. What a ball. What a pass! The ball is magisterial. The finish is nothing less than stupefying.