Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’

There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.