Luis Suárez leaves defenders with knees on backwards here. Álvaro

Luis Suárez, man. Nothing less than a quantum mechanic there with

Real Madrid, man. Cometh the hour – the death hour – that’s when

[On Messi goal] Golazo from a penalty. He doesn’t just score goal

Brave header. The Charruas [Uruguay national team], man – they wi

[On James Rodriguez goal] Tumble-drier possession again from Real

[On Messi winning goal for Barcelona against Real Madrid in El Clasico] A

[On a Cristiano Ronaldo free kick goal against Atletico Madrid] Are you kidding me?!

Both these defences have been working harder than a one-eyed cat, covering 3 mouse holes.

He’s a one-man battleship, [David] De Gea. Where’s his critics now?