Luis Suárez leaves defenders with knees on backwards here. Álvaro González is left with twisted blood. Surgical and as penetrating as Zorro.
Luis Suárez, man. Nothing less than a quantum mechanic there with the ball.
Real Madrid, man. Cometh the hour – the death hour – that’s when they get stronger.
[On Messi goal] Golazo from a penalty. He doesn’t just score goals, he decorates them with smiling emojis. Cool like Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock.
Brave header. The Charruas [Uruguay national team], man – they will fight tigers inside the box.
[On James Rodriguez goal] Tumble-drier possession again from Real Madrid, just ripping apart Granada, who defensively are like marbles on a glass table.
[On Messi winning goal for Barcelona against Real Madrid in El Clasico] Again, the medicine man arrives and sinks his flaming spear into the hearts of Real Madrid.
[On a Cristiano Ronaldo free kick goal against Atletico Madrid] Are you kidding me?! Astonishing!! This is not just a dream, it’s a wet dream of orgasmic proportions.
Both these defences have been working harder than a one-eyed cat, covering 3 mouse holes.
He’s a one-man battleship, [David] De Gea. Where’s his critics now?