This stadium gives you goosebumps the size of coconuts.

Lucas Vazquez sees the Dark Invader [Cristiano Ronaldo] arriving with the intimidating directness of a torpedo.

[On Real Madrid midfielder Kroos goal] Toni Kroos so cool with that finish.

On this wet pitch, defenders will be skating around like a three-legged giraffe on roller skates.

Messi has better balance than a one-legged man trying to stand up in a hammock.

Sevilla’s defense [against Real Madrid] is like Tom chasing Jerry. They aint never gonna catch ’em.

[On Cristiano Ronaldo stance before taking free kick] 5 steps back. And gunslinger pose.

Is it just me, or does the Oscar statue look like Cristiano Ronal

[On Messi missed chance] Rainbows and pots of gold all over the f

Finding Cristiano Ronaldo in form like this is like fighting an a