Messi is as elusive as a moonbeam.

Ronaldo has the nerve of a safecracker.

This stadium gives you goosebumps the size of coconuts.

Lucas Vazquez sees the Dark Invader [Cristiano Ronaldo] arriving with the intimidating directness of a torpedo.

[On Real Madrid midfielder Kroos goal] Toni Kroos so cool with that finish.

On this wet pitch, defenders will be skating around like a three-legged giraffe on roller skates.

Messi has better balance than a one-legged man trying to stand up in a hammock.

Sevilla’s defense [against Real Madrid] is like Tom chasing Jerry. They aint never gonna catch ’em.

[On Cristiano Ronaldo stance before taking free kick] 5 steps back. And gunslinger pose.

[On Stefan Jovetic goal from Aquilani assist] He was a bit fortun