Happiness is the best revenge. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good f**king life.
You can’t base your life on the past or the present. You have to tell me about your future.
Your parents, they give you your life, but then they try to give you their life.
Which is worse: Hell or nothing?
With a gun stuck in your mouth and the barrel of the gun between your teeth, you can only talk in vowels.
The things you own end up owning you.
All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.
Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education.
When we don’t know who to hate, we hate ourselves.
Someone bent on suicide won’t have much sense of humor left.